Many of us on Twitter recently began sharing old sayings and phrases. It was so much fun, I decided to compile some of them here for easy reading. I didn’t get to copy all of them, but there are quite a few.
Enjoy!
Who sneezed with their eyes open and they blew out of their head?
…or whose facial expression got “stuck that way…?”
Wife’s mother told her ears would permanently protrude if she kept tucking her hair behind them.
Whose eyes crossed and got stuck?
Hey it happens. You just have to pre-plan your own gene pool to get the required syndrome. Easy-peasy lemon squeasy.
If you break your leg, don’t come running to me.
“I’ll wash your mouth out with soap”
What happened to your mother’s back when you stepped on a crack?
Watching too much to would turn your eyes into raisins
Mother knows best!
Technically, it’s “How ya like dem apples?”
Me: climbing tree Mom: freak out Dad: “If you fall and break your leg don’t come running to me.”
I Don’t Know…Whatda Mean Ya Don’t Know…
LOL. With every safety rule that’s out there, some fool had to do it first, and the rest of us suffer for it.
I heard about those guys from a bunch of surgeons.
My sister-in-law’s father always carefully explained to her that smoking actually killed the germs in you.
Who knew? On the other hand, he did live into his 90’s – puffing away, to the end.
He died from the splinter left in his finger, that traveled into his bloodstream and up to his heart. My ancient grandmother had us believing that one, until my Dad one day heard her, started laughing and told her to quit with the old wive’s tales.
I had emergency surgery cuz I ran through the house and a sewing needle broke off in my foot. ER doc laughed, “What makes you think it’s in there?” “It moves.” X-ray Emergency surgery
Who actually caught a cold with wet hair?
Who actually caught a cold with wet hair?
We should just take all the warning labels off of everything and let it all sort itself out!
My husband still follows that rule.
Although I have known a few whose grumpy expression “got stuck that way” and wondered if their dear mother forgot to warn them about that possibility.
Support EMS, run with scissors
Dunno but Lisa Giddings really did het her toung stuck to the freezing cold light pole.
Who went blind? And would he do it again?
The same guy who’s face stuck that way
And that kid whose face stuck that way!
Can’t go swimming for an hour after eating
Who is the kid that stopped crying when his mom said if you don’t stop I’ll give you something to cry about?
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…or whose facial expression got “stuck that way…?”
…and who fell and “broke his neck…?”
I got one for u..who is the original Smart Alick?
The same guy who went swimming right after eating.
keep stretching your mouth and it will stay like that!
Its all eyes and games until someone gets their fun poked out…
Same, stupid, eyeless, person,
I might not be here today if not for the 4 warning labels on my pillow.
Someone like my brother who went running across the yard holding a toy rifle and ended up with it protruding through the side of his cheek.
Oh, you mean ‘Lefty’ and ‘Holey Joe’?
It’s almost like catching cold.
I had a friend put his eye out at the driving range! Ball shot straight up and back at him, blinded him!
For ridiculous people. …the second Tuesday of next week.
My grandmother used to say she’d rather go fishing than eat when she’s hungry.
If it was a snake it would have bit you. When I couldn’t find something right next to me
“Baked into a pie.”
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From Jersey: “What do you want, egg in your beer”?
I would think; ‘time to burn the midnight oil’ would have been used a lot in college.
My Dad used to say “If you had a brain you’d be dangerous”
“Run that up your flagpole and salute it”
“I was mortified!”
My dad used to tell me “Boy!! I’ll knock a knot on your head and dare it to rise!”
“How does that grab you?”
I am 1 of 9 kids, my Mom would say “put a egg in your shoe and beat it” when we pestered her.
A pipe gives a wise man time to think, and a fool, something to put in his mouth.
My grandfather emigrated from England and his advice to me no matter what I was doing was “ Now be sure to watch your P’s and Q’s.
My grandmother: “That makes me madder than seven kinds of thunder!” and… “That’s a treat instead of a treatment!”
Madder than a pole cat in a phone booth.
I’ve told you forty ‘leven times…
That food’s so good it will make your tongue slap your brains out.
I’ll knock the taste out of your mouth.
My mother would say, “my right eye is twitching” when she thought I was up to something. No idea what she meant.
Writing them is far more valuable than remembering silently. My mother’s grandmother married a defector from the Confederacy, suffered loneliness as he was held in a Conf. POW camp, and lost her father and brother to Conf. terrorism. She lost her sight and raised her family.
Pretty is as pretty does. Also my mom, don’t cry over spilled milk.
A friend of my Mom used to say ” Whenever somebody offers to do you a favor….run like hell!”
My grandmother would say, “Now’s the time to eat” when she had finished preparing the meal and we all sat time to eat. Alongside her was the wooden spoon.
“Sheryl Sheryl strong and able, get your elbows off the table. This is not a horse’s stable, but a first class dining table.”
Patience petunia
My Dad would always say “Don’t talk so much, you might learn something”.
Nothing to be learned in the second kick of the mule.
When you eat soup “Like little ships that go out to sea I dip my spoon away from me”
My Mamaw (Grandmother) would say “you sweep around your back door and I will sweep around mine”. That was her way of saying mind your own business!
As for music, the bad goes in the spit-tune.
My granny would sometimes get fed up and say “ Son of a Pup !”
If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all. Moms know everything, because we have eyes behind our heads.
My mom’s advice on complaining about things you cannot change: “You may as well save your breath to blow your coffee.”
My grandpa, watching my grandma prepare at the holidays, use to tell us all before we ate our meal, in Spanish, “a home isn’t built on the grown, it’s built on a woman”. Grandma would always add “a tired one”
Grandmother…”Only boring people are bored.”
Here’s one particularly good for today. When cautioning us about not thinking before speaking, she’d say, “Thoughts unspoken can fall back dead. God Himself can’t stop them once they’re said.”
My dad used to say something i don’t quite remember… smile or your face’ll freeze like that? SOmething like that
He also used to keep telling me that I “need to step up to the plate, young man!” which annoyed the shit out of me because I hate sports.
“Precious Memories” !
My mother’s favorite saying was man oh man oh Manischewitz!
It is the average man that learns from his mistakes. The wise man learns from the mistakes of others, and it is the damn fool that makes the same mistakes over and over again. Dated and sexist, but still true.
My grandfather would hold the door open and say “dirt before the broom” as I walked past when I was little. I’d catch it and look back to his knowing smirk . I miss that man.
My mom’s favorite saying—“This too shall pass.”
“God gave you two eyes, two ears, and one mouth, because you should look and listen twice before you speak” Martin Vandenburg “A wise man understands how little he really knows“ Wilhelmina Vandenburg Love you and miss you both Mom and Dad.
“The man who sells apples eats apples for lunch”
My great-great grandmother, around age 75 or so and after raising a horde of kids, would say “I was born this way, what’s your excuse?”. Sadie Teson, God Bless her soul…
Also grandma – “there is always someone better off than you and someone worse off than you, don’t judge either.”
Didn’t have a lot to piss in or a window to throw it out. There is some history to this saying. Tanneries used pee to tan hides. But people during the depression were so poor the didn’t have a lot to sell their pee.
Don’t have two nickels to rub together.
Those convinced against their will Are of the same opinion still.
Put your mind in gear before putting your mouth in motion.
My Gramp would say “ You cannot polish Sh*t.”
“The boy doesn’t know shit from Shynola”
My grandmother once said that shit wouldn’t smell so bad if it wasn’t stirred
Tighter (with money) than bark on a tree.
My Moms favorite, sh&t or get off the pot.
Problems are like laundry on the clothesline; we’ll ALWAYS choose ours because we know them.
My Mom used to say “you pays your money, you takes your choice”
He’s so crooked he’d swallow a nail and pass a screw …
“Tired of living, scared of dying”
He’s so crooked, you have to screw him in the ground when he dies.
Grandpa, to end a conversation ” you are beating a dead horse “
“Never fight a pig in the mud”
Grandpa used to always say “That’s slicker than cow snot on a doorknob”.
My grandmother “do what makes you happy, nobody is getting out of this life alive so be happy while you’re here.” Also “only whores and little girls wear red shoes.” Southern belle wisdom. Lol
I will slap the pee water out of you. Granny never cussed.
Quit picking your nose or you’ll get worms!
You are not ready to live until you’re ready to die!
On my Dads side, “Hard to kill a German, they’re made of piss and vinegar”
Sounds better than the soap my granny used to shove in our mouths. That’s what I get for coming home from the 5th grade with the F word.
Even libs will like this one: waste not, want not.
When we were being bad my grandma would say I’m gonna whoop your dickens. Never knew exactly what that entailed.
Heavens to Betsy Who’s Betsy? Bald headed baby Jesus
My Grandpa always said, “You don’t get time, you make time”. Truer words never spoken..
My Dad : When all else fails read the directions
My grandpa used to tell me he’d separate my habits from my ideas.
Never Bite Off More Than You Can Chew.
“Nothing washing dishes can’t cure.” Grandmother
My grandma used to tell me “Don’t pee on that”.
My Dad said, I’ve had worse than that on my lip and never stopped whistling, and keep on crying and I’ll give you something to cry ABOUT.
My momma, when she’s trying to reconcile with someone, says she’s ” mending fences”.
My mom, 91, favorite saying, “Old age ain’t for sissy’s.”
My mom said of people full of themselves (if unsure just refer to some of those swell diplomats working at State that testified last week) “ My, he’s very important with himself”.
“You’re a gentleman and a scholar”
Grandma about Grandpa “he can squeeze a nickel until the buffalo shi*s”
And in South Africa , In Afrikaans, this phenomenon, i.e. when it rains and the sun shines, the traditional belief is Jakkals trou met wolf se vrou, meaning ‘Jackal marries wolf’s wife’.
For cryin out loud.
because she burnt the biscuits.
What gets me about that is… the *devil* _married_?
Well, I’ll be jiggered.
Jesus take the wheel!
In Fiji, among the Indian community, it’s “a mongoose wedding is happening.”
Yep, over yonder.
An itchy right hand means money is coming your way.
When a thunderstorm rolled in, shed tell me to ‘Put the dog in the back room’. She was convinced dogs attracted lightning, lol
Now we’re cooking with gasoline!
Explaining how the cow ate the cabbage. Can’t get blood from a turnip.
If there is thunder “the devil is bowling.”
“I’ll be riding Shanks mare” (It means to walk)
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There’s an old regional expression that’s a favorite: “Thet boy nevah wuz right. They’s somethin’ wrong with his jeans (genes).
Granny used to say during loud thunder “it’s just the tater wagon.”
Here’s two more Granny-isms.
Granny used to say this to the grandchild she thought was being “devilishly” naughty, “I’ll tie a knot in your tail” and warned “You’ll get your tail caught in a crack”.
For all you doubters about your face “getting stuck that way”, I give you John Brennan….
“Bless Her (or His) Heart”
A polite Southern phrase meaning that the person doesn’t have a clue, and has no chance of finding one.